Dear Ms. Agoraphobic,
I know that we don’t really get along, although you’ve never given me the chance to prove what an annoying twit I am. I’ve gotten past the refusing to make eye contact, the waiting in your car until you know we are inside our apartment and the weird desire for absolute silence at all times, including 4.30 on a Friday afternoon. However, this practice of yours of stomping up the stairs and throwing whatever you are holding down on the landing while you unlock your door has got to stop. Whatever it was that you just slammed down made my apartment shake. There is no need for that. Aside from the fact that you nearly gave me a heart ache with the movement and the noise, Fish freaks out. He’s very sensitive to his bowl being disturbed and unfortunately the only good place that we have to put him is near the door. However, he’s happy there. Except for when you’re a jerk and make his bowl upset.

There is no love here for you.

TheBon

It should be noted that neither TheBoy or I have ever done anything unkind to this neighbor. She was doing laundry the day I moved in, I smiled, and she looked the other direction. I said hello to her a few times, but have long since given up since she seems to be afraid of other people. Even the apartment manager says she complains about everyone, mostly without reason. So, totally not me.